Monday, August 31, 2009

1 year post discharge

Yesterday came & went faster than I had imagined. I honestly was excited and nervous all at the same time. This past year I have dreaded Lowell's 1st bday (May 1st), his due date (August 10th) & his discharge date (August 30th).. But guess what.. I HAVE MADE IT THROUGH ALL THREE! All those days bring back past memories & I wish it was easy to say I am past the hurdles of them this year, but in the back of my head I still see the dates for next year... Hopefully they will be easier to bare than they were this year. Each one of those days bring me happiness & past 'not so good' memories as well. But whenever I am feeling down about things I try to remember 'why i believe in miracles'. :) My son is living, breathing & ALMOST walking proof of my whole purpose in life! He is the reason I can wake up every morning with a smile on my face, his laughs and giggles when I come to get him out of bed, the way he rests his head on my shoulders and wraps his arms around me & holds me every morning like there is not any other care in the world! THAT IS THE REASON I LIVE, I have a purpose! I realise that I went through the NICU journey for a reason, & in the end I AM A STRONGER PERSON! Though this past (almost) 16 months have not been easy, I BY FAR am a better person & wonderful Mommy... My son is the definition of being blessed! I wish you all could see him develop in person, you would fall in love! I can truly say I AM LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF MY SON'S LIFE!

COMPARISONS FROM AUG 30, 2008-AUG 30, 2009 :)




Wednesday, August 26, 2009

he says bu-bye

LOWELL SAYS BU-BYE WHEN HES WAVING NOW!!! Saturday was the 1st time he did it (while at my friend's little boy Landin's 2nd bday party) & once he said it, he did it over & over again. Oh I am so blessed, he is the sweetest thing ever! I have yet to catch it on video, but hope to soon! :)


Here is an adorable pic of Landin & Lowell when they had a little sleep over together last week (8/20)...

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Actual VS Adjusted Age

Actual VS Adjusted age.. when will I ever just be ok with saying Lowell is 15 months not "he should be 12", I wish I was alright with not correcting how old he would be if he was born on his "due date". I just want to be ok with saying he is 15 months & not look into detail about how he really shouldn't be. I try sooo hard to close my mouth when other parents say their baby is 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 (etc) months old & they think Lowell looks small.. So then I quickly say "well he was a preemie". DO I REALLY NEED TO JUSTIFY?!? I dont think I do, but I feel 1/2 the time I do just so I look like a semi-normal/good parent! I do feed my baby & doctors say he looks good, I mean gosh he is FINALLY ON THE GROWTH CHART!! He may only be in the 5%, but hes on it! I always hear everyone saying (well doctors and development specialist), that "the hope is he is all caught up to his age (weight/height/development) by 3".. So once he turns 3 will I finally have my "actual/correct age" all straighten out & will just always go by & be ok with actual?

I feel like I am at fault sometimes for explaining what my son has gone through, YES I really can admit that when I think about it, it is a way to get attention for what he has gone through... but I dont see it until after I talk about it! I know most preemie/micro preemie moms don't admit it but we urn for a sense of credit for how much our babies have been through. We always have & probably always been advocates for getting them what they need in life. It makes me so made when people say "well hes normal now", just because he looks healthy doesn't mean he is NORMAL! I fight & fight with people to prove to them that he still has problems! Mainly his lungs, which all in all is such a major thing in one's body! It gives you the air to breathe & stay alive & sometimes he just CAN'T breathe! Is it normal to give breathing treatments everyday to your child? & when he gets sick it could be 4+ times a day.. like how it is right now. I can't just live a completely normal life, I freak out about germs but try to stay as sane as possible so people don't think I am crazy. I'm the person in the doctors office, squirting the foamy hand sanitizer stuff in my hand every time I stand up! Which is over 5 times while I am there, but do you blame me? Every time in the NICU, wither going in our out of the babies rooms YOU HAND SANITIZED... that little squirt kept my baby away from those yuckie germs... and even though he is bigger... I still am cautious! When I forget the shopping cart cover, I use those sanitizing wipes.. over & over & over before I will place him in there... its just too dirty & germy!

Anyways enough rambling... I just had to get this off my chest because it really has been bugging me lately! I know some micro moms read my blog.. so any advice on how you get through the age thing would be helpful! :)


and just to make u smile i'm posting a pic of the little guy...

Sunday, August 9, 2009

STANDING ON HIS OWN & CLAPPING!

LOWELL IS KEEPING HIS BALANCE REALLY WELL NOW & STANDING ON HIS OWN. HE ISNT STANDING ALL THE TIME ON HIS OWN BUT MARK & I KEEP CATCHING HIM DO IT A COUPLE TIMES AN HOUR. IT IS SO EXCITING & MAKES US BOTH SO PROUD! YESTERDAY HE ALSO STARTED CLAPPING.. I'VE SEEN HIM A FEW OTHER TIMES CLAP, BUT THIS TIME HE WAS CLAPPING ON PURPOSE! HE HAS GOTTEN SO INCREDIBLY SMART THESE LAST 2-3 MONTHS, EACH AN EVERY DAY I FIND HIM TO BE EVEN MORE OF AN AMAZEMENT! I HAVE A FEELING BY THE END OF THIS MONTH HE WILL BE TAKING A FEW STEPS ON HIS OWN.. & PROBABLY BY THE END OF NEXT MONTH WALKING! LOWELL HONESTLY IS THE MOST AMAZING BABY YOU WILL EVER MEET!! TOMORROW IS HIS "ORIGINAL DUE-DATE" & I'VE BEEN VERY CONFUSED LATELY & TRYING TO ACCEPT THAT HIS BDAY IS MAY 1ST, NOT AUGUST 10TH... YET I FIND MYSELF REFLECTING ON HOW MUCH HE HAS DEVELOPED & HOW IF HE HAD HIS BDAY NOW HE WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT & BE SO MUCH MORE ALERT & INVOLVED & ACTUALLY EAT A TON OF BDAY CAKE.. I'M VERY UNDECIDED AS TO IF WE ARE GOING TO MAKE A LITTLE CAKE OR SOMETHING.... I GUESS I WILL FIGURE IT OUT TOMORROW! :) UNTIL THEN I'M OFF...